1 Corinthians 5:5-8 Then you must throw this man out and hand him over to Satan so that his sinful nature will be destroyed and he himself will be saved on the day the Lord returns. Your boasting about this is terrible. Don’t you realize that this sin is like a little yeast that spreads through the whole batch of dough? Get rid of the old yeast by removing the wicked person from among you. Then you will be like a fresh batch of dough made without yeast which is what you really are. Christ, our Passover Lamb has been sacrificed for us. So let us celebrate the festival not with the old bread of wickedness and evil but with the new bread of sincerity and truth.

When I first read this passage a while ago, my first thought was “wow harsh,” and “aren’t we supposed to be loving and accepting?” It wasn’t till I really chewed on it and looked at the corrupt world and churches around me that I was hit with a revelation. Yes, Jesus sat with the sick and immoral, but he never gave the thumbs up to keep on sinning.  He laid it out very clearly what he came for. He came to free us from sin, not affirm it. Paul says to hand this man in their church over to Satan. That this man’s actions have consequences and he had no business negatively affecting the rest of the church. We are called to live separate from the wicked ways of the world where Satan roams freely. We are obviously all sinners, but the difference is someone who actively seeks God and pursues holiness, versus someone who continues to deliberately sin, feeling no guilt, and refuses to repent. A surrendered heart against a hardened one. I learned as Christians, we can love one another, and still gently direct our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ away from sinful behavior and lifestyles. We need to get bold in calling out corruption when we see it, and unfortunately there is a lot of it. The Bible is very clear on what isn’t right in Gods eyes and far too many people create a false narrative because they don’t like what The Word has to say. I know firsthand what it’s like to live for the world, to worship Satan without even realizing I was. It looked like drinking, getting high, watching and yes, READING pornography. Those smutty books that have become so normalized? Dangerous. I supported organizations and groups that went against God and his design because it’s what the world told me was the “loving” thing to do. I created a false Jesus in my head when I was really just staring at Satan. A wolf in sheep’s clothing. I wish I had someone in my life during that time who would’ve shook some sense into me. When I finally cracked open my Bible and began reading, of course it all seemed harsh and shocking. I was never told to deal with sin aggressively, that it is not to be played around with. It isn’t something to be casual about because it is dangerous. Sin separates us from God, and that is not something I ever want to experience again. We serve a loving and merciful God, but Paul also tells us that isn’t an excuse to keep on sinning. God’s grace is there to pick us up when we stumble, not to be abused. I remember in the beginning of my walk with Christ, I was so scared of being shunned by the world, but as I grew closer to Him, I realized I could care less about what they thought. That if I was going to be a follower of Jesus, I was not only going to read His Word but live by it. Be bold in spreading the TRUTH, whether it lost me friends (and believe me it has) or not. I have thankfully gained so many new friends on this journey who sharpen me. But I have also watched the way I live now transform others around me and pique some individual’s curiosity. It really is such a privilege to be a vessel for God, and I’m blessed with continuing to get to know Him intimately. I just pray for whoever reads this that you block out the noise of the world (because it is loud) and use discernment as you continue to navigate it. I pray that you continually turn to your Bible and allow God to teach and correct you. I pray you stand boldly in your faith and continue to spread the truth no matter what anyone says. God bless.

Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

I struggle hard because of my OCD. It takes over every part of my life, completely suffocating me. It fills me with dread and shame, and cripples me in every day-to-day tasks. So of course, when I found Christ again, I felt it there too, hanging over my shoulder like a dark shadow. But what really begun to sink me was when it came for my prayer life. Every Christian speaks about the power of prayer, and how it is a strong weapon against the enemy (they are right), but instead I felt like it left me feeling even more defenseless. It was because my mind had trapped me into thinking that I had to pray “correctly”. I was convinced if it wasn’t sincere enough, proper enough, if I didn’t get very specific, something awful would happen. For example, I would be praying over my children before bed and found myself saying “Lord, please wake them up tomorrow morning” because in my head, if I didn’t specify that, they would pass away. Very sick and twisted. I have a very tiring mind. It feels like a constant war zone. I sat there in torment because I knew it was ridiculous and false, but I couldn’t stop. I convinced myself I had to be “presentable” to God. That in order for my prayers to reach God and mean anything, they had to be polished and precise. It wasn’t till I was listening to a podcast and they said, “God can handle your honesty” and that hit me hard, and I’m glad it did. They went on to talk about how we serve a big, powerful, all knowing, and most importantly loving God. He created us, he knows everything we did and or going to do. He knows every thought that does and will pop into our heads, good or dark. He knows exactly what we struggle with. In that moment I felt Him telling me “Daughter, talk to me.” Almost this peaceful urgency. Not pray, but talk to Him. I immediately locked myself in my room and became completely undone. Telling Him how I hated my mind, I hated the thoughts, I hated the constant shame and guilt I felt. I felt awful that others could pray so well and not have the intrusive thoughts I did. I sat on my bed for who knows how long just talking to Him. Letting any and every thought and emotion flow free, and every time I was honest with God, I felt the weight lift more and more. I felt His overwhelming peace. My mind began to calm down; the loud noises no longer were screaming at me. The guilt and shame that had a strong hold on me no longer had power. I felt in that moment true freedom and peace. My prayer life became stronger once I realized the power of honesty with my Father. Now every thought that pops into my mind I immediately take it to Him and relax as He either walks me through it or completely destroys the lie. Don’t put God into a box. Acknowledge His power and strength and then try to understand how deep His love is for us. He CREATED you! No one knows you better than He does. He loves you, He delights in you, He wants to be involved in your life, whether you’re doing great or awful, whether you’re angry, sad, or happy, just let Him in. This isn’t to say I don’t still struggle, I’m human, I will always struggle but just knowing I serve a God who wants and desires me, despite my flaws, and who has a purpose for my life, is enough to break the chains. It is a reminder that when I do struggle, I know who to turn to, a God who has never once turned away from me.

Psalm 63:1 You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.

The book of Psalms has to be one of my absolute favorites in the Bible. David is so real and raw about his relationship with God. He desperately seeks God above all else. He knows who his creator is, and longs to be as close to him as possible. He says in verse 8 “I cling to you; your right hand upholds me.” Which speaks volumes, because it shows God is the only thing we need to hold tightly onto because he will never let us down.

My life before I knew Christ consisted of harmful and selfish desires. It was smoking and drinking to numb my mind, which was an absolute warzone. My heart was hardened and completely closed off, yet I let it become my compass. My words were harsh and unkind. I was searching desperately for something, anything to fill the visceral ache I felt every day. I was exhausted and felt the crushing pressures of the world.

It began to seep into the blessings of my life, like being a wife and mother. Instead of seeing these things for the gift they truly are, they felt like more “opportunities” in my life to fail at. It all felt hopeless, and I tried to grasp the idea that this was just how life is.

When I encountered Jesus, the first thing I felt was overwhelming freedom. On my knees in utter defeat, He lifted my chin and told me to follow Him. From that night on I have done exactly that. Not without falling here and there, but the difference? He always picks me right back up. I EARNESTLY seek Him. His UNFAILING love. His guidance. His grace and mercy. Not because I’m told I should, but because it is enough. He is enough.

In a world that feels like a life sucking desert, seek out God, always. My heart, mind, and soul no longer want the things of this world. The healing began when I realized without my savior, I am nothing but a sinner. But with Him I am reborn. I am made new. With just simply keeping my eyes on Jesus, the drinking, smoking, anger, and selfishness dissipated, because He is THAT GOOD!

I find myself waking up with a grateful and more positive mindset because He is the first and last thing on my mind every day. I know heaven exists because I find myself longing for Him just as David did. So, while I’m here on earth, I will continue to seek Him till we are together in eternity at last.

This isn’t to say my life is perfect now. Actually, in the days I do fail to spend time with Him, I’m quickly reminded why I need him. I’m humbled with the version of myself I left behind. I encourage whoever is reading this, take the time to slip away from the noise of the world (because it can be loud) and spend time with your heavenly Father. He loves you so much. Open your Bible, pray, worship and thank Him. He WILL change your life.